This book is broken down into a couple of sections: work, love, and the brain and body. Each section goes into detail about what 20-somethings experience within that category and what can be done about it. Read, make mistakes, learn, and grow – all important pieces to the puzzle of mastering your 20s and entering adulthood smoothly with the right information.

I love that Meg talks about not just settling for your average cashier or barista job after you graduate college. In The Defining Decade, she encourages you to go out there and find a job to at least put your degree to work. A job, even as simple as a customer service representative, often requires a college degree and pays higher than a high-school job like a cashier or barista. So don’t just settle because you are unsure.Many people in their 20s aren’t building up any of them by sitting around at home or taking dead-end jobs. GPA and college degrees don’t really count, since everyone has them.

Knowing what to overlook is one way older adults are typically wiser than young adults. With age comes what is known as "positivity effect". We become more interested in positive information, and our brains react less strongly to what negative information we do encounter.” It happens from “sliding not deciding,” slipping into living together out of convenience, then eventually deciding to get married. But your criteria for cohabitation will be lower than marriage, so you can end up in a suboptimal marriage. Sometimes, Jay's writing feels like a mother/aunt/teacher who can just give you a look and you know you're doing something wrong. I don't necessarily feel like it's condescending, but it does make me wonder and ask questions about my life. Based on other psychology books I've read, I know her advice is relative based on the situation, but it's strong advice. If you get anything out of the book, I think it should be this: Your life matters, so make the most of it by taking deliberate actions earlier than later, especially in the direction that you may want to go in. Decisions need to be made because they do impact your future. If you just let life happen to you, it may not be all that fun. Technically I think my review is "spoilery", so I'd advise not reading it if you want to read the book without influence from my opinion. I do not consider myself an authority in anything, and this review is simply my incoherent rants about things that made me upset, for my own reference. It's also pretty long. The very day I read this book, The Billfold had a blog posting critiquing Jay's work, and between the review of Mike Dang (The Billfold) and Goodreads reviewer 'M' (below), I don't have much to add to their comments.As a 20-something, I wanted to read The Defining Decade, Why Your Twenties Matter – And How To Make The Most Of Them by Meg Jay to see what I could learn from her in my adulting journey, and I learned quite a few things. As a clinical psychologist, Meg Jay talks about the same conversations she had with one of her clients. They were so anxious about what career step to take, they didn’t take any at all!

By our forties and beyond as work, children, home, activities, extended family, and community come to the fore, marriage is typically less couple-centered. When couples are juggling more than dinners and shared weekends, diversification of skills and interests can be helpful. Differences can keep life fresh.” That said, I do think there is something to be learned from the social comparisons we notice ourselves making. Are you envying something you would like to have for yourself, and does this say something about where you should start? Can you think less about what others are doing and think more about your vision for yourself? Identify two things you would like to have accomplished in one year or in two years, and compare your progress to your own goals.

Praise

You call on 20-somethings to take charge of their lives and reclaim their adulthood. But what if I didn't do that? How should 30-somethings reclaim adulthood? Having goals can make us happier and more confident. Goal setting in your twenties can lead to more mastery, agency, and purpose in your thirties. With the basic message out of the way, I do think the audience is limited to people who have access to resources and opportunities, mainly the middle class and upper class. I think the same basic message is viable for all classes, but people of lower classes who don't have access to internships or college may have a harder time connecting with Jay's clients. In one way or another, almost every twentysomething client I have wonders, 'Will things work out for me?' The uncertainty behind that question is what makes twentysomething life so difficult, but it is also what makes twentysomething action so possible and so necessary. It's unsettling to not know the future and, in a way, even more daunting to consider that what we are doing with our twentysomething lives might be determining it.”