The hugest revelation for me was this regarding honesty with the children: To process what happened, they need to know what happened.

It takes hard work from both sides and a lot of communication but I can confidently say that our relationship is much better now than it was prior to discovery. They didn’t choose those things—they made a deliberate choice to fuck other people and lie about it.As we head into divorce mediation this week, I'm steeled for more entitlement and lack of empathy from him as we discuss splitting our assets, but still hoping against hope to see real remorse as evidenced by financial recompense, even if Schorn likens such an outcome to the existence of unicorns. This helped me retrieve from reconciliation that would only lead to more pain, more lies, more deception from someone incapable of living in truth.

I'd love to have an honest dialogue about any of this, but I think people may be coming here in response to a post by the book's author posted on her site (quite witty, I'll say) with opinions already formed and looking for "evidence" that I blame betrayed partners. The key question I would ask myself is if I'd be willing to share this book with someone I know who's in the midst of an infidelity situation. I only see your vested interest in selling generally unrealistic hope to people who have been cheated on (i.

it gives an illusion of empowerment,that deceives people unto believing they are stronger and therefore safer, its a faux (short lived) form of empowerment. Successful meaning both parties would agree without reservation that the relationship is happy and healthy and better now than it was before the affair. Schorn is unambiguous where other books dance around that feeling inside you that you didn’t ask for this, that the affair partner made their own choices and didn’t handle relationship issues in an honorable way.

Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. She uses a lot of jargon but provides a glossary and some of her sayings are awesome: Don’t waste your life on a barbed wire monkey (p. If anything it reminded me of the fact that there are sadly so many others out there facing similar situations and, more importantly, it reminded me that with time I’ll come out better from this.

The betrayed spouse is not required to do ANYTHING if they do not want to, but the one who had an affair must be willing to understand the vulnerabilities.

Support groups, self care, therapy, yoga, journaling, and my higher power, and supportive friends and family are my helps and healers I have chosen on this journey. I haven't reviewed or listed this out of shame, however it's one of the most important and impactful books I've read. When you realize that you don’t control cheaters and the terrible things they do, you can start to detach.

The idea that a cheater never really wanted to have an affair, but then temptation arose and they "just did" is perpetuating the victim blaming narrative.